I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
