after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
