you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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