Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
