i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
