Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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