i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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