I just cut my nipple shaving
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
