but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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