i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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