i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
