gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
