is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
