this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
