And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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