Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
