i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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