first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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