Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
