i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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