Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
