Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
