This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
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