Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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