If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
