I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i dont even know how to be here
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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