Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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