i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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