if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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