the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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