sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
