we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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