I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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