Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
