My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
