Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
