I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
