Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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