I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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