...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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