Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
