I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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