You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
