somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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