Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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