Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
