The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You're a waste of cheezeits
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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