Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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