I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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