You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
