If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
