the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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