just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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