We won't sleep together?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
