i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
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Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
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I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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