Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
