I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
