dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
