Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
