Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
