There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
