If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
