It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
