I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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