1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
my poor anus
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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