these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
